Full Length: Art of Being Pleasant

The Art of Being Pleasant

Some people love confrontation. Some people love to get under other people’s skin and aggravate them. If you are one of those people, this paper is not for you. If you are one of those people that has to deal with those types of people, this paper is, in fact, for you. The art of being pleasant is a long, pride swallowing road of trial and error, but once mastered, will provide inflated egos[1] all around you. You will become the one everyone else loves to talk to because you make people feel good about their ideas and opinions and overall demeanor. Now, is that not what life is all about?

There are many dimensions to being a pleasant person, but most important of all is rule number one: do not say what you are thinking. This rule can be generalized into every single one of my pleasantry rules and is golden. It is quite simple really. People do not want to know what you are thinking. We all ride on our own little, majestic high horses and have no true desire to care for the thoughts of others. We prefer to go on thinking everyone loves us no matter what we do, and we certainly do not like to be challenged with other people’s ideas or notions.[2] If you say nothing, then you will never have to worry about saying something that will push someone away or aggravate him or her. Have you ever noticed that opening your mouth starts all of your problems?

Now that you understand the number one rule, it is time to move on to rule number two: agree with and affirm everything. Let us be honest with ourselves. When someone tells you something, they do not want an argument. They do not want to hear that you disagree with them. They do not want to know if it hurts you or makes you angry. They really, only want to know if you completely agree with them.[3] You will find the reactions you get from people are far more docile if you just say okay, than if you respond with true feelings or additions. Even if you are dying on the inside, it is most important to appear agreeable to those around you. People like to get their way, and people like to feel as if they do not negatively affect anyone with any selfish act or opinion Hold it all in, smile and nod, even add a little affirmation for his or her statement if you can. Does that not sound nice?

You are well on your way, already, to becoming far more popular. The first two steps are, by far, the hardest. Next, we must move on to the final rule: compliment, compliment, compliment. We have all had the urge to tell someone they look good or their hair smells nice or that particular shade of puce in her shirt really brings out her eyes. However, this is not enough. No, we must compliment everyone at least once a day. Stand from afar when you do this, and take a good look at your subject. Find something to compliment, anything at all. You will gain more acceptance if it is something he or she seems particularly insecure about at the time, such as a new haircut. In these instances he or she has most likely heard a parade of compliments, so make it detailed and give examples (i.e. The feathering in the front really accentuates your cheek bones). If there are no apparent insecurities, make it a peculiar compliment. This will show the person that you have really been paying attention to them. The more of your focus they feel they have, the higher regard people will have for your compliment, and therefore, you.[4] Can you feel the love?

I hope this explanation of how to become more pleasant proves to aid in your overall success in life. I find that written communication is extremely effective in relaying information. There is something about seeing the words and having the freedom to jump back and forth that makes it very easy to understand and take in. Plus, you will have this sheet to take will you wherever you go, so you will no longer be caught being unpleasant by having opinions and thoughts of your own.

As this essay has aided you, the writing process has aided me. I used the process of critical thinking and free writing to develop this essay. It is extremely helpful by allowing me to view all sides of the subject and get all of my ideas down so that I may review and revise to give you this fine piece of gold you see before you. You may also find it helpful to use these processes when developing your affirmations and compliments. I urge you to put these tools to good use and take full advantage of them and you may succeed in life.

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1 Ego: the opinion that you have about yourself: the self especially as contrasted with

another self or the world.

2 Ignorance: the lack of being aware or knowledgeable: cliché-“ignorance is bliss”.

3 Pride: a feeling that you are more important or better than other people.

4 Narcissism: the love for one’s own self or body.

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Realization

We have all had hard roads to travel. I am currently just shy of 22, single and 6 months pregnant. Not to mention I had a heart attack two weeks before getting pregnant because of a blood clotting disorder and a hole in my heart that I didn’t know about. It has not been easy.

I was raised in a “Christian” home and many things through my childhood and having God used against me by my mother turned me away from the religion itself. I never stopped believing there was a God but I stopped having faith in Him. Since my mom’s leaving I’ve rebuilt a relationship with Him but many more things would make me so angry with Him. I could never understand how God could let me hurt so much. I would pray and pray for things to be different but it never happened. I lost hope.

I knew He was there because I have dealt with a lot and once and a while I’ll pat myself on the back thinking: ” wow, Nichole, you’re so strong”, but I know I’m not doing it alone.

The other day it hit me. I’m asking for what I want but I’m not trusting Him. I am selfish. I want what I want and I don’t want His plan for me to be anything different. I need to trust Him. If I accept that something I want is not right, and just ask for His help to get through it, the outcome and the process may be a lot less painful.

Maybe we are asking for the wrong thing. Maybe we are praying for what we want, when we should be praying for the strength and peace to handle what we are given.

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Rule Number Two:

Just say okay with a smile, if possible, if you don’t like something.

Let’s be honest. When someone tells you something, they don’t want an argument. They don’t want to hear that you disagree with them. They don’t want to know if it hurts you or makes you angry. They really only want to know if you completely agree with them. 

You will find the reactions you get from people are far more pleasant if you just say okay than if you respond with true feelings. Even if you are dying on the inside, it is most important to appear agreeable to those around you. This will prevent further heartache. People like to get their way, and people like to feel like they don’t negatively effect anyone with any selfish or not selfish act they do. 

Hold it all in. Smile and nod.

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Rule Numer One:

Don’t say what you are thinking.

This rule can be generalized into almost every single one of my pleasantry rules and is golden.
It is quite simple really. People do not want to know what you are thinking.
We all ride on our own little majestic high horses and have no true desire to care for the thoughts of others. We prefer to go on thinking everyone loves us no matter what we do, and we certainly do not like to be challenged with other people’s ideas or notions.
If you say nothing then you will never have to worry about saying something that will push someone away or aggravate them.

Have you ever noticed that opening your mouth starts all of your problems?

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The Beginning

I suffer from being extremely pessimistic and cynical when it comes to relationships. I, just as everyone else in the world, have been dealt quite a few less than desirable hands and now am doomed to forever assume the worst and create issues that do not necessarily exist. I posses an incessant fear of being abandoned and if I am unable to properly, and thoroughly, communicate I will drive myself insane, and more often than not, the person I have feelings for.

I have the need to know everything. My mind does not sit well with the unknown and “go with the flows”. I want to know intentions and thoughts and facts. This has brought me nothing but grief and continuous self kicks in the a**. Many failed relationships (which are better off as such but grueling during the ending process) and days of getting lost in my own anxiety have crossed my path.

My mind is also very divided. I have an extremely rational, blunt, side that can be completely stoic and harsh, yet true. I can always tell myself what needs to be done and why; the following through with my own advice is where I battle myself.

During one of my sarcastic mental rants of being fed up with how people are and the humor than can be found within ridiculous eggshell games, I came up with The Art of Being Pleasant. These are simple rules that are very true and highlight how asinine people allow personal interactions to be. Facetious.

There will most likely be posts between these rules of daily encounters, but for the most part I hope my audience finds humor, and can indulge, in my sarcastic insight.

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