Realization

We have all had hard roads to travel. I am currently just shy of 22, single and 6 months pregnant. Not to mention I had a heart attack two weeks before getting pregnant because of a blood clotting disorder and a hole in my heart that I didn’t know about. It has not been easy.

I was raised in a “Christian” home and many things through my childhood and having God used against me by my mother turned me away from the religion itself. I never stopped believing there was a God but I stopped having faith in Him. Since my mom’s leaving I’ve rebuilt a relationship with Him but many more things would make me so angry with Him. I could never understand how God could let me hurt so much. I would pray and pray for things to be different but it never happened. I lost hope.

I knew He was there because I have dealt with a lot and once and a while I’ll pat myself on the back thinking: ” wow, Nichole, you’re so strong”, but I know I’m not doing it alone.

The other day it hit me. I’m asking for what I want but I’m not trusting Him. I am selfish. I want what I want and I don’t want His plan for me to be anything different. I need to trust Him. If I accept that something I want is not right, and just ask for His help to get through it, the outcome and the process may be a lot less painful.

Maybe we are asking for the wrong thing. Maybe we are praying for what we want, when we should be praying for the strength and peace to handle what we are given.

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About nichole43

Many levels of emotions and stoic rationality. Eclectic and and all around pleasure
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